Dear Overstimulated,
Parenting a child with autism is a journey that requires patience, teamwork, and education—but when one parent struggles to accept the diagnosis, it can feel isolating. Your husband isn’t alone in his initial denial; many parents (especially dads, research shows) take longer to process an autism diagnosis.
Here’s how to bridge the gap while keeping your marriage strong:
1. Understand His Resistance
🚫 Why he might be struggling:
- Fear of stigma: He may worry about labels limiting her future.
- Guilt: Could he blame himself (or you) subconsciously?
- Grief: He might be mourning the “typical” parenting experience he imagined.
💡 What helps:
✔ Avoid accusations → “I know this is hard for both of us.”
✔ Normalize his feelings → “It’s okay to need time to process this.”
2. Shift from “Teaching” to “Learning Together”
📚 Instead of saying:
- “You’re doing it wrong—here’s what the therapist said.”
💬 Try:
- “I found this webinar on meltdowns—want to watch it with me?”
- “Let’s ask her OT for strategies we can both try.”
📱 Resources to share:
- Books: The Explosive Child (Ross Greene) or Uniquely Human (Barry Prizant).
- Podcasts: Autism Stories or The Autism Dad.
3. Let Him Find His Own Way
👨👧 Dads often parent differently—and that’s okay.
- If physical touch (hugs, wrestling) is his instinct, redirect (e.g., “Let’s try a weighted blanket first”).
- If he yells, model calmness: “When we stay quiet, she regulates faster.”
🎯 Goal: Help him see what works (not just what’s “wrong”).
4. Get Professional Backup
👩⚕️ Ask her care team to explain:
- “Can you show him how her brain processes sensory input differently?”
- “What’s the science behind why distraction can backfire?”
👥 Support groups for dads:
- Autism Speaks Dad’s Group (online forums).
- Local meetups (shared experiences reduce shame).
5. Protect Your Marriage
❤️ Schedule “no-problem-talk” time:
- Even 15 minutes a day to talk about anything but autism.
- Date nights (respite care can help).
🌱 Celebrate small wins:
- “You kept cool during her meltdown today—that helped so much.”
Final Thought
Acceptance takes time. Right now, your husband may feel overwhelmed, inadequate, or scared—but with gentle guidance (not criticism), he can grow into the support your daughter needs.
You’re doing great. Keep advocating for your child and your marriage.
**— Annie**
