Dear Carolyn,
My wife and I just found out we’re expecting—thrilling news, yet my excitement keeps tripping over fear. This is her third pregnancy; the first two ended in miscarriage, and the grief still clings to us. After more than two years of trying, and both of us now in our late 30s, I feel we’re down to our last chance.
Stress hovers over every day. I lie awake running through check‑ins—“Nausea today?” “Breasts still sore?” “Feeling tired?”—as though her answers could guarantee a happy ending. I see the exhaustion on her face each time I ask.
She’s nervous, too; she endured the physical and emotional toll of the losses while I could only watch. She needs me to be the calm one, yet every “normal” moment sends my mind racing. How do I stay strong for her—even if I have to fake it?
—Not So Strong in D.C.
Dear Not So Strong,
🎉 Celebrate the moment. Your fear is valid, but bracing for tragedy won’t stop it—or soften the blow if it ever comes.
🛑 Pause before every symptom check. Questioning your wife can’t protect the pregnancy; it only confirms “yes, still pregnant right now.” Accepting that you’re not in control is scary but also freeing.
🔄 Channel worry into action. Stock the fridge with healthy snacks 🥗, run household errands 🧺, plan gentle date nights 🎬, research childbirth classes 📚. Pour that nervous energy into tasks that truly support her—and you.
💬 Call in reinforcements. If anxiety still roars, talk with a therapist, join a support group, lean on trusted friends. Sharing the load makes it lighter.
🤝 Stand together. Tell yourself privately—and your wife aloud—“Whatever happens, we’ll face it side by side.” That promise, not flawless composure, is the strength she really needs. 💕
You can’t script the outcome, but you can show up every day with love, practical help, and a steady hand. That’s more powerful than any symptom checklist.
